The Pain He Feels
by Lady Morgan of Sealand
Summary: Lily and James have finally gotten together, and as Severus watches from his corner in the Three Broom Sticks, he thinks back to the events earlier that day. The pure hatred Lily spoke to him. The reason he became a Death Eater. K Slight cursing, use of the word hell


**This is a Severus/Lily friendship/heartbreak/angst story with James/Lily fluff.**

**I hope you like this! This was published on my old account and I finally decided to re-upload it.**

**Disclaimer: I do claim that I do not own Harry Potter but I do own The Collectors Trunk.**

**Words: 2,172**

* * *

One thing was clearer than the cheap Butterbeer resting in my palm- she had changed. It was the first time I remember her going back on her word. She said that she would never love him, his actions, or the disgusting way he treated me all of these years.

Well, she was wrong.

I took a swig of the watered down drink, recalling the thousands of times he had asked her on a Hogsmeade date before. Those pitiless attempts were usually replies of her screaming objections at his paling, frightened face. I had grown confident that the smug Gryffindor idiot would never have my Lily. Still, things never seem to go the way I plan.

* * *

_Earlier in the day, as I left Potions class, I noticed Lily talking to her friends Alice, Mary, and Amelia. They were giggling about Merlin knows what, but I had my suspicions it wasn't about the Potions test that I had recently aced. I guessed that her friends were laughing about another one of Lily's 'Potter-is-such-a-git-he's-so-worthless-I'd-rather-date-the-giant-squid' rant again. Speak (or should I say, think) of the devil, Potter appeared right behind her for round ten million of 'Let's Ask Lily to Hogsmeade'. I expected the usual Evans-rant and scolding, but instead, she broke my heart. She smiled shyly at Potter, kissed his check, winked and walked off with her girlfriends as if nothing had ever been wrong between them._

_I was struck cold. What the bloody hell? I watched like a statue as Potter returned to his annoying groupies for congratulations and high-fives. I wanted to run away like a lunatic, and Potter seemed to read my mind and turned to me. And he smiled. He SMILED at me and laughed. My chest would not stop heaving in confusion and anger, and the large stack of books I had been carrying had dropped to the floor with a loud thud. The quickly forming crowd only laughed harder as I bent to collect my textbooks, and hurriedly tried to leave the scene. I blocked their sneering laughter as I ran down the corridor. As I was about to turn the corner, I heard Potter exclaim louder than the crowd._

_"Ha-ha! Stupid, stupefied Snivellus! Did you see his face? I'd hate to be the bloke who has to tell 'em it was a joke!" Another round of laughs started up as I walked even quicker to make it to Defense Against the Dark Arts in time._

I tried to clear my head of the furious thoughts that threatened to boil through my brain, but all I managed was to conjure the thought of Lily being in my next class also.

_Lily... Why? Why the hell would she pull something like that on me? Why the hell would she agree to go out with HIM of all people? But, the nice side of my conscious chided, it was only a harmless joke, after all! Yes, it was only a joke, a joke that almost killed me on the spot. I breathed slowly through my nose as I finally reached the door to the DADA classroom. Someone had some explaining to do..._

_I took a seat directly behind Lily, who was currently surrounded by a bunch of giggling girls either who had either witnessed the scene or who just heard of it. Our teacher called the class to order, and any students left standing rushed to find a seat. He said for us to read the next chapter in our textbooks and take notes before retiring to his office. I looked around the classroom as students began to crack open their books and whisper quietly, I decided it was the perfect time to start questioning Lily._

_"Hey... Lily." I said loud enough to get her attention but not enough for others to overhear. She turned around in her seat and gave me a pleased look that really accentuated her beautiful green eyes._

_"Hey Sev, what's up?" She said as I smirked at the usage of the nickname. Only she ever had the privilege of calling me that, and only she ever will. I almost forgave her, but then the anger I felt just prior boiled back up. I took a breath about to scream 'What the hell was all that with Potter?', but I caught myself just as I opened my mouth._  
_"Wha- I mean, are... are you really going to Hogsmeade with Potter?" I asked as calmly as I could. But inside I was a mess, desperately hoping that she would confirm my earlier theory that it was a joke. Oh, how wrong I was._

_"Why do you want to know?" Lily asked, scrunching her eyebrows in a way that made her look both disappointed and worried at the same time._

_"Well, I thought that you didn't look all that austere about it." I lied, she had. If that kiss on his cheek wasn't enough to prove that she was austere about it, then she would of just yelled at him like she'd been doing for the past four years. "I mean, knowing you, you'd just say yes, take him out, and dump the idiot him in front of the whole school. It's not like you haven't done it before, and this time Potter really deserves it... That worthless piece of trash has been bothering you for too long and the git needs to learn-"_

_Apparently, something I said flipped an invisible switch in Lily's temper, for she shot up, her beautiful emerald eyes full of rage was enough to make even a dragon scared of approaching her. She leaned over my desk, glaring at me, her scarlet hair falling past her shoulders, making her appearance even more frightening. Others in the room began to quiet down and looking our way, perhaps in general interest or for an excuse not to work. Though I knew it was purely for entertainment purposes, Lily's tempers and the people who faced the Evans Wrath (namely Potter) was surely a sight to behold. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a classmate pull out a Chocolate Frog from his bag and began eating it, his face absorbed in the confectionary. Lily now stood over me, breathing heavily, which usually happens before that imbecile Potter-_

_"How can you stand to be so inconsiderate of his feelings!? How could you ever think I'd do that to James!?" She all but screamed in my face. I should have been shivering at the wrath-soaked words, but only one word pierced my façade- She called him James. "For your information, I actually like James! Ugh... you... do you know how long I've put up with your whining about him? I actually got the chance to know him over the summer and let me tell you._

_"He is the sweetest, most considerate, kind, amazing, smart, _**PERFECT**_ boy I've ever met! ...I've always had a crush on him. Since first year, I tried to return his looks _**behind**_. _**Your**_. _**Back**_." She said, her finger jabbing into my chest." You know why?" She promted, extracting her finger, "You can't get it past that thick skull of yours that he can have the capacity of being good!" Lily's hands were flying around as she screamed at me, I mentally flinched each time her hand got to close to her left front pocket, where I knew her wand resided. I did not want to be on the receiving end of one of Lily's hexes._

_"I've put up with your constant bickering for so long now, Severus. And, just... he's never once done any of the 'bad' things you rant about when I'm around. I'm finding it really hard to trust you. Why? Have you ever seen James call ME a Mudblood? Have you ever seen him ignore ME for Potions homework? Has he ever been anything BUT polite to me?_

_"I've never once seen him act uncivilized or unkindly towards me like YOU have. Just... a MUDBLOOD, Severus! Don't you remember ever saying that to me? Do you know how much that word hurts or how much it angers me to hear you nit-pick every little flaw James has when yours are so glaringly obvious?" she said nearly in tears. Her friend Alice, put a hand on her shoulder, silently beckoning her to sit down._

_The class was absolutely silent, eyes wide and glancing between the two of us. I did not notice of course. I was blinded with fury. How dare she call me out on such minimal things where Potter has made my life miserable? Why was she being so blind to all of the misdeeds Potter and his lackeys had inflicted on my for the past seven years?_

_"Lily..." I started dangerously, wanting to try so desperately to reason with her._

_"Oh, don't you DARE 'Lily' ME! You're in no position to 'protect' me or whatever the hell you think you are doing! I have a mother to do that, thank you very much. I just... I can't believe that I thought you were nice, and not the slick git everyone says you are. I was wrong. Seven years I have wasted my breath defending you! Seven years I have been making a fool out of myself! Seven years, Severus! You know, maybe Petunia was right. Maybe I should have NEVER trusted you." She finished with a hiss._

_At that moment, our DADA Professor finally came back into the room with something in his hand that was being polished with care._

_"Is there a problem, Miss Evans?" He called from the mini-staircase leading down from his office._

_"Yes, I think," She stammered, turning to face the Professor. "that I need to go to the Hospital Wing. Killer headache." She said, putting her hand to her head to help her case. The Professor walked down the staircase and placed the object he was polishing on a stand and turned to face her._

_"Well then, be on your way." He dismissed her with a wave of his hand and turned to the blackboard to scribble notes down for today's lecture. Lily grabbed her books with little care and walked from the room. As the door closed, every eye in the room turned... to me. The most prominent ones were a pair of deep hazel eyes belonging to the very person who stole my Lily from me._

* * *

The memory ended almost as soon as it begun and I gripped the frosted glass tighter in my hand. I was sitting alone in the Three Broomsticks watching as Lily and Potter began to snog in clear sight of anyone who cared to look. I realized then with a silent sigh how right Lily was. I disregarded the feelings of the girl who ever looked my way, and I ended up losing her forever.

Red, white, and pink flowers magically began falling over the kissing couple, each engraved with the saying _'Together, Forever'_. A banner unfolded over their heads that also read the phrase. I looked around and found Potter's lackeys giggling with wands pointed at the phenomenon, summoning endless streams of the annoyingly bright flowers. I sighed audibly this time and downed the rest of the Butterbeer in my glass. With a final look at my lost love, I left.

I paid the barkeep and headed to an establishment not far from the Hog's Head, but twice as ominous. A fellow Slytherin whispered to me after the DADA fiasco that there was to be a secret meeting for potential follows of Voldemort to join the ranks of the Death Eaters. I was going, of course. I couldn't stand the forming, and the Dark Lord would give my life a new direction, a fresh start. It could end in the happiness that others so dearly wanted.

I, Severus Tobias Snape, vowed to do everything within my power to reach a single goal. The door opened and I stepped into the Death Eaters' hideout.

Everyone who ever hurt me- made me feel pain...

I will make their lives miserable.

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**So, hope you liked it! I'm sure there are still tons of grammatical mistakes but I fixed all the ones that I could find. But I couldn't do another comb over since I have to finish up a US History Essay that I've been ****procrastinating on for a while...**

**Pain is part of Love,**

**~Iron Morgan**


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